Tina Essmaker’s story is one that took her on a journey from powerlessness and grief to a sense of agency and taking her place in the world.

Before tragedy disrupted her childhood in rural Michigan, Essmaker daydreamed of one day leaving her family’s single-wide trailer and moving to a big city to be a writer. But just after her tenth birthday, Essmaker’s mother died suddenly, shattering her family’s world. Forced into caregiving for her bereft father and her twin brother, who was born with a cognitive disability, a life of her own felt out of reach.

Would her mother want her to stay and care for her dad and brother, or leave home and follow her dreams? As Essmaker approached high school graduation, she was consumed with guilt, but driven by a desire to be free. For a time, she escaped her responsibilities, but when her new life is upended, she does the unthinkable, surprising even herself.

Essmaker unflinchingly invites readers into the complex inner world of a grieving girl, rebellious teenager, and ambitious young woman wrestling with how much she can—and should—carry. With tension and hope, Essmaker takes herself, and us, on a journey from grief and powerlessness to agency and belonging, culminating back where it all began.

Publications

Blue (essay) | Roxane Gay's The Audacity Emerging Writer Essay Series

The Eye Is the First Circle (Essay) | Finalist for Sewanee Review sixth annual Fiction, Poetry, and Nonfiction Contest

past writing

ASKING NOT ASKING Column on wnw magazine

Read Tina’s previous column in collaboration with Working Not Working Magazine, in which she answered questions about how to navigate transitions, challenges, and reinvention along one’s career path.